Must Purge

I was discussing this with a close friend, but after burying them in my madness, I felt like making a blog post for everyone to see and comment on, might be fun.

As a backdrop, I … am not sure where I am as a “writer”. Like, I’ve written a lot of stories. I am most well known to some people as a writer of solo stories (solo as compared to chat-logs/cooperative writing). But recently I have been drifting away from teling such tales.

There are lots of reasons for that, and if you follow me, you already know them. The feeling that there isn’t enough feedback when compared to my other hobbies, like making 3D art. And then there is that art, which is so intensely gratifying to make, and can earn more praise in an hour of work than I might otherwise get for a story I took months to years on drafting.

But the following is something that might keep me from escaping the written word entirely.

The other day, I was skimming Twitter. And there, like many of you, I follow various models. And on one model’s Twitter, there was a sexy image that drew my eye. And in the comments of said post, there was another girl’s image. Posted not because the two girls were friends, or because it was responsive in some way to the original post. Instead, it was an attempt to gain the attention of the original poster’s followers.

It made me wonder, when someone makes a post like that, meant to get themselves social engagement and subscribers of various kinds, do the original posters resent it?

In addition to the above hook, I also thought that the two girls looked similar — the original poster and the sub-poster. In fact I think even the second girl to sub-post had a similar vibe. And as all of you know, similarity and parity are such a core element of my fantasy, so that quickly mixed into the idea.

While I was pondering the question of resentment about sub-posting, I began to picture the original poster getting irritated. And writing this super catty and insulting DM.

“You don’t look anything like me. You’re not nearly as hot as I am. Or as pretty. So just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.” I imagined her typing that out and then pausing. Her finger hovering over the send button. Unsure if she wanted to send it. Such a mean and destructive comment that would gain her little. But something compels her to. She can’t quite put her finger on what, but there is something she wants — something she craves, and so she sends it.

The sub-poster sees the DM, and of course, could just disengage. Delete her post, maybe block the poster, and walk away. But instead, she writes her own catty, cruel, comparative reply. And then has her own moment of doubt and struggle. What does she gain by responding? Nothing at all. But she too feels a pull. And so she too hits send.

Now, right there, I think the story is almost fully-formed. Wouldn’t take much to get them together, their rivalry perfected, and their battle engaged.

And because I saw that post, and because that scenario popped into my head, I will now think about it, as I have all my other story scenarios, until I write it. It will come to me when I am trying to go to sleep. While I am working. While I am driving and running errands. Like an obsession I cannot get rid of. In the same way that I had all of my already written stories stuck in my head, until I got them written down and then published. At which time, I was free of them.

I almost never think of the scenarios I have written and posted, only sequels to them.

It’s odd in so many ways. You’d think I’d want to think about stories I’ve written. To linger in the work I’ve done, and the idea I brought to form. But instead, I enjoy being free of them. Opening up space in my mind to think and do other things.

If there is anything that can help me continue my solo-story writing, when so many different things are driving me away from it, it is this.

The need to purge these fantasies from my mind once they capture me.

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